I don’t- I don’t deserve to be happy. ( Runyu confesses before his arms come up and cling to the warmth of Xingchen. )
He can no longer call him a guest after this, even if this is a fleeting dream.
[ It is wrong. He should be standing and setting boundaries between himself and his friend. However, the warmth of this embrace is too much for Runyu to resist when he’s denied himself any hint of warmth in his realm after his sins. He will watch his nephew at the river, smiling as he fishes for his wife, but he won’t come closer. He will share a drink with his brother when he asks him, and yet he will not indulge in more than one.
A cycle that no one tries to change.
And yet, he’s weakened recently. He can not resist the call of music when it overcomes it after that first night, and something compels him to paint the dreams that haunt him. Is a fool?
He doesn’t know.
He doesn’t understand anymore. ]
Forgive me. ( Runyu whispers into his arms, hold tightening. ) Forgive me this.
i'll swap back to no-blindfold icons when i stop needing so many emotional ones
There's nothing to forgive, ( xingchen whispers back, the whisper cracking just slightly in his stubborn refusal to succumb to any manner of proper crying which might draw runyu's worries back to him. he doesn't want them, not now - because runyu is hugging him back now just as tightly if not more so, and xingchen couldn't stand for it to stop just yet. because - ) I've missed you terribly. ( something he hadn't meant to admit to, but there it is. ) I-, I know that's not fair of me to say.
( and yet it's true. he wore the mourning white again for nearly a year after runyu left, and only recently has he diverged from it on more than the rare occasion. it hasn't quite felt right to do so. and the house in the woods has been empty more often than full for nearly as long. he still retreated there for the locked room when his hunger grew too fierce, but it wasn't a home anymore. just the ghost of one. )
You’re wrong. ( Runyu mutters, voice broken. ) That-that’s not what’s unfair about this. What’s unfair is leaving you alone when you’ve come here. Staying away to honor a cold vow that never changes anything about the world.
[ Despair and weariness echo in his quaking voice, the years of false dignity and serenity torn down from his shoulders. His reluctance and poise is gone, leaving nothing behind but aching longing and wounds that have never closed. Something always present but never acknowledged even by him. The yearning rings out with each entreaty ripped from the gentle strings of the guqin and vibrates the tears when he plays the dizzi in his study, closed off where no one can hear his cries. The wishes linger behind after a hesitant caress on the Beast of Dream’s neck and resonate after each evening dance in the Star Corridor. It’s a childish part of him that can’t stay away from his brother’s family in the mortal realm — even when each moment standing in their shadow opens new waves of regret and loss. A flicker of the person who accepted all the suffering that hides under the golden facade of the heavenly realm if it would keep the world just a little brighter.
But no one has ever stayed or reached out to him when he can accept it.
No flowers will bloom for him again.
This boy has no defense against the tender acceptance of Xingchen. ]
( ah - so that's why it took him two days to arrive. he hadn't been waiting for xingchen to emerge after all. it hadn't quite occurred to him how different things might be, here in runyu's self-imposed isolation rather than a realm apart.
he draws a slow breath, then lets it out. brings his emotions back under control, at least those which leak out. then, ) My friend, I did not come here to ask anything of you apart from perhaps a place to rest. You've given me that. ( if runyu needs to leave him alone much of the time, so be it.
That seems a cold welcome for you, my friend. ( Runyu murmurs against his arms. Some strength has returned to his voice but he's reluctant to move. )
[ Even if he's aware that he should pull away.
He's revealed more to this friend than he has anyone else. Even the Beast of Dreams hasn't seen him break down like this, and it's been at his side from the beginning since he found it in the star corridor. Even after the loss of his mother, he'd shut himself in his chambers to hide his weakness, and yet here, he's let his fragile emotions out without attempting to temper them into formality. The fear of such a reveal is absent inside him, leaving him both bereft of that cloak of assurance and relieved of the terrible weight that comes with harboring such suspicion. ]
Perhaps, ( he agrees, because that's something he can't quite deny, but he doesn't sound all that bothered by it. pragmatic maybe, if still a bit soft around the edges. ) But it's certainly warmer than death, and that's what awaited me if I'd returned to my own realm. ( or if he stayed in ryslig - and what other options even were there, truly? he would have stayed to die before sending himself to any realm but this one. this second life has all been borrowed time, regardless.
a beat, and a quiet hum - mild indecision given form. but then he wonders aloud, ) If it truly does change nothing, then why do you honor the vow? ( and of course, he has yet to pull away either. he's already decided he won't be the first to do so. )
What am I to do if I don't honor it? ( Runyu's weak voice replies. He pulls away slightly, not enough to leave the circle of warm arms enclosed around him but a step backwards towards the cold reality behind him. ) I have nothing else here. I am nothing else here.
Runyu drops his head further, as if waiting for an instinctual reprimand or condemnation. As if waiting for another word to weigh on his shoulders.
But a sigh shakes him a moment later.
As if knowing that Xingchen won't say it but uncertain of being deserving of such a reprieve. ]
( when runyu shifts away from him, xingchen's arms loosen to allow it - but the man doesn't go far. it's almost as if he's preparing to go, bracing himself for the perceived inevitability of it. much like he seems to have resigned himself to the emptiness of this place - the nothingness.
another quiet hum, this one caught between understanding (empathy, perhaps) and consideration. then, nearly a whisper, each word measured as if to make certain the weight isn't more than runyu can bear, ) You don't have to be. ( nothing, that is. ) I've seen it. ( a pause, and then: ) I can show you, if you'll let me.
[ Runyu swallows, head still lowered, as he considers the offer made him. If he can reach for the tantalizing freedom in those words. Without losing himself in the process. His eyes fall to the wall scroll still on the ground, recalling other paintings he’s hidden in his chambers, and how desperately he has clung to something meaning more with the dreams and the fleeting music. How much this world has weighed on him.
However, it is still an escape. One he doesn’t deserve to search for at this time.
A few moments later, Runyu slowly pulls away from Xingchen’s embrace, speaking in a measured tone that’s careful to temper the pain behind the words. ) I will consider it, dear friend, but I am not ready for such a gift. And neither are you. ( His hand reaches for Xingchen’s wrist and his eyes narrow. ) How long have you been attending to your injuries alone due to my negligence?
( for a long moment, it almost seems as if runyu might accept. as if xingchen's sincerity has stood in such sharp enough contrast with everything else in runyu's life that he's actually convinced him to trust. in xingchen, in this thing which he feels the absence of but doesn't yet know or understand.
but then his friend draws back, and xingchen of course releases him to it, hands settling on his lap now. he considers shifting back to the bed, but that can wait until runyu is prepared to do so as well. for now the man seems to have something else on his mind - a hand takes hold of his wrist, drawing xingchen's gaze up to narrowed eyes. 'how long have you been attending to your injuries alone due to my negligence?'
his gaze drops again with a sigh-breath through his nose, lips curling in a smile of forfeit which borders on amused. ) Forgive the immodesty, but I can't allow you to take credit for my own feats of wondrous negligence. ( yes, he is going to tease about it. what of it?
either way, he's shaking his head a bit, his other hand moving to rest lightly on the back of runyu's own. ) It's nothing worth mention, certainly nothing which endangers my life. ( and he's been attending to it with the care he would have if a dear friend had been injured instead. he promised someone that he would, and seeing as it's the last promise he found himself able to make them, he plans to see it through with utmost diligence. )
[ Runyu raises an eyebrow at Xingchen turning his worry for him into something to tease him about — as if this is a common occurrence with them. And perhaps it is. But even if Runyu’s own lips turn up in a small smile at that thought — of having something like fellowship with someone even after what he did to Xufeng — he won’t be deterred from his choice of focus. Perhaps, that envisioned bond is all the more reason to ask it. The immortal attempts a scowl but only manages an indignant shake of his head at his friend. ]
If it was nothing worth mentioning, it would have already healed here of all places. The fact that it has not means it’s not small. Even if it doesn’t endanger your life, will you still hide it when I ask? I know that I have asked you not to show me this life I've forgotten but that doesn't mean that I wish you to remain silent about yourself.
( no, xingchen wouldn't say that it's a common occurrence with them - if only because nothing between them has been 'common' for a number of years by now.
but it used to be. runyu had seemed quite unused to being teased in a friendly manner rather than mocked, but he rose to the challenge rather quickly, and for much of the rest of their friendship the two of them were prone to lapse abruptly into some sort of banter. such a thing was quite useful when runyu would fuss without need to, a means by which to deflect the topic to something a bit lighter and less worrisome even if xingchen would often concede and accept some stray bit of fussing regardless.
and every so often, of course, runyu would recognize a moment in which he should stand his ground on the matter, should refuse the attempt at deflection - just as he has done now, both jarring and comforting in its predictability. 'even if it doesn't endanger your life, will you still hide it when i ask?' no, he won't. if course he won't. at the moment, xingchen is uniquely incapable of refusing his friend anything the man might wish, and he doesn't quite foresee that changing all that much in the near future. )
Of course, ( he says, head shaking again but this time to dismiss his prior deflection. ) I meant no offense, and certainly not any sort of mistrust. ( how does he put this? he pauses a moment, considering, and - ) I only thought that I wouldn't be able to explain my wounds, not if you don't wish to know of the realm in which we met. You'd ruminate over it. I know you would.
( the guesswork tale of the origin of xingchen's wounds in runyu's mind would be far more alarming than how he actually got them. he knows how such things go, between them. )
Suffice to say that I earned them in helping to end a war, one which started long before either you or I arrived. You can assess them for yourself, if you'd like. I don't mind. ( he truly doesn't. he'd only thought to make this less complicated for runyu, whose thoughts are already quite the mess thanks to xingchen's arrival. )
[ Runyu smiles at his friend’s continued thought on how to handle the details of their past relationship, his care on how much to reveal and how much to conceal for his friend’s comfort. It’s a consideration he’s rarely received from others and not at another’s expense. It fills him with a burgeoning warmth and urges him to speak on, a teasing note underlying his concern. ]
If you know me as well as it seems, my friend, you would know that I rarely escape ‘rumination’ of some kind, and having sensed your injuries, that would have happened without knowing the details. There’s much for me to reflect on, both before your arrival and with it. There is no blame on your shoulders if you have given me another topic to consider.
[ Runyu hesitates there, considering the fact that inquiries about Xingchen’s arrival have given him details far more chaotic and yet far less ominous to contemplate in the long eternity of his life than the actions that have slowly condemned him thus far.
It’s a sobering thought that brings an ache to his chest because there is little he can offer this man for coming to him besides this small regard.
He gathers himself and continues. ]
If it will not bother you, I wish to see them. I will worry nonetheless.
( it's true. runyu would ruminate regardless. it was silly of xingchen to try to downplay them to runyu of all people. perhaps it might have worked, had they actually been strangers, but they've never once truly felt like strangers to xingchen - not even when they met. and this man has never failed to have the keen sense of what he might be hiding, or making light of as the case may be.
so this was inevitable, really. and he can't find it in himself to be bothered by that, even knowing how displeased runyu's going to be once the wounds are revealed.
speaking of... ) Alright, ( he agrees - and though runyu has too little experience with him this time to learn that xingchen is largely an open book, his tone at least seems entirely unbothered. in fact, there's a lighter note to it again as he says, ) You'll have to forgive a different sort of immodesty this time. ( because now he's untying the belt to his robes, easing the outer robe back from his shoulders to pool on the bed around him, then doing the same with the thin inner robe. what's left are a pair of trousers and a torso that seems quite a bit more bandage than skin. it's a bit overkill, since some of the wounds are in places he can't entirely reach, but it's also less overkill than one might hope - a fact that comes to light as he untucks and begins to unwind the bandaging as well.
the damage is honestly a bit chaotic to try to make sense of, especially to one who doesn't realize the monstrous nature of the foes he faced. A wide set of clawmarks rakes up over his shoulder and down most of his back, a difficult wound to clean thanks to the distinct set of venomous fang-wounds on the other arm (his sword arm, as fate may have it) and the swelling and discoloration thereof. a couple of other wounds (one on his side, one just barely high enough to catch his ribs rather than his softer, more vulnerable stomach) look like they were inflicted by handheld blades. nearly all of the wounds look prepared to bleed at the slightest provocation, but it's already quite a bit of progress. when he arrived, they'd bleed anytime he took off the bandaging. )
There's one on my calf, as well. ( a fallen lich had grabbed at his ankle, and though they didn't succeed in tripping him, they did succeed in decaying a bit of the flesh. that one's taking a bit longer to heal. it's harder to funnel qi through dead flesh than living flesh, though he's managing well enough. regardless, he doesn't specify - it's far less horrifying for runyu to think that's a blade-wound as well. ) They've healed quite a bit already. I shouldn't need to bandage them for more than another few days. ( especially if he continues to successfully meditate like he was when runyu arrived. )
[ Runyu’s lips thin as Xingchen bares his back to him, revealing many wounds of different types, with the same smile on his face as before. It's as if he's been fighting several monsters at once and without anyone to watch his back. Runyu worries how fierce this war could have been. And yet, even with his questions and growing worry, there’s a strange sense of deja vu in the air, as if Runyu has seen his friend do this kind of thing before. He can't help but wonder if his friend someone who will often make light of something terrible like this or, worse, if he believe he deserves this treatment. His hands clench beneath his sleeves for several moments before his stance relents. Releasing a deep sigh, he closes his eyes for a few moments as his care warps his visions, as those wounds overlap with the broken state someone returned to him over and over. He knows it's is not the same thing, but the wounds he’s caused others are his ghosts to bear.
However, tonight, they will seem lighter. For a fleeting moment. ]
That will be unnecessary, my friend. Take a seat on the bed and leave the bandages where they are.
[ Before Xingchen can reply, he’s bending down to retrieve the painting that ties them together, brushing a hand over the creases that have formed before slowly rolling it up. ]
whoops pretend the last tag said 'on the floor around him' rather than bed
( xingchen had known that the wounds would upset his friend, would offend him on xingchen's behalf - and yet he still finds himself feeling bad for it, feeling bad but at a loss for reassurance he hasn't yet tried to offer. that they're healing well, that they aren't fatal. that he needn't worry over them.
when runyu closes his eyes with a slow exhale, xingchen finds his hand lifting with the helpless reflex to comfort in some shape or form. it hovers indecisively for a moment, then reaches with every intention of resting it on the nearest of those tense sleeve-covered hands - but just before it makes contact, runyu says 'that will be unnecessary' and the hand retreats back to xingchen's lap before it quite clicks that his friend was referring to the bandaging. 'take a seat on the bed and leave the bandages where they are.' his brow knits faintly, puzzled, even as he lifts up onto his knees so as to tidily gather his robes and fold them over his uninjured arm. leave the bandages, truly? they're not even dirtied yet, he only just changed them.
but he doesn't question it, rising to settle instead on the bed in his trousers and setting his folded robes across his lap. ) You've done more than enough, ( he tries one last time to insist, but it's quiet and without proper force. he knows very well that the protest will end up dismissed or ignored, regardless. he simply had to try. )
( Runyu ignores his friend's protest, staying silent as he gathers the clothes on the ground and even folding them before taking a seat on the bed. No doubt he would have folded the bandages even if Runyu hadn't said anything about them. Turning his head to the side, he summons a basin of warm water with a wave of his hand and brushes his fingers against the surface to test the temperature. Satisfied, he lifts the bowl and retrieves the cloth that's appeared next to it, before he turning back to Xingchen. ]
I haven't offered you nearly anything here, and as a host and friend, that should be unacceptable, but this is not about that. I, ( he hesitates and then breathes out, )I don't like the sight of blood around me, and some have opened up.
[ Silence filters through the air around them for a few moments before Runyu dips the cloth into the water basin. ]
I also possess the ability to heal you completely, even more so when your spirit is Yin like my own. There is no reason for you to take the time to heal slowly while in my realm.
( though he makes no outward show of it, xingchen is actually quite surprised by the bowl from thin air - surprised and impressed. he had known runyu was some manner of immortal, so it shouldn't surprise him really, and yet he finds himself wondering at quite how different even that much must make runyu's life here, compared to the one which he lived as a mortal (and then one of the fae) in ryslig.
his words, too, are unexpected. runyu doesn't like the sight of blood. perhaps it's the bracing way in which he says it, but his friend has never seemed quite so opposed to it before - it was always the notion of someone's injury which bothered him, not the blood itself. or so it had seemed. regardless, xingchen wasn't aware that any of the wounds had begun to bleed anew, so pardon him while he glances down to take stock of the wounds with a knit of his brow. ah - the one on his side does seem to be oozing just a little, and there's a burning sort of chill along his back which suggests that one of the deeper claw-rends has done the same.
but runyu doesn't merely intend to clean and re-bandage the wounds... it seems he intends to heal them altogether. xingchen's gaze lifts back to the man beside him now, his brow still knit but now with concern, and his mouth opens to object but no proper objection comes. instead, after a moment, ) At what cost to you? ( can he simply wave a hand and xingchen is healed, as with the basin? or is it a more in-depth process? in xingchen's own realm, such a thing was terribly exhausting. in ryslig, the only way for most to help another heal was to allow them to feed on you. the cost of healing is often far higher than xingchen is willing to let another pay on his behalf, especially one who only barely remembers him at all. )
[ The sight of blood has always been difficult for Runyu after that night on the border of the demon realm, when he realized how far his descent had taken him and what it had taken from him. Certain nights, even, the events come back to haunt him, In company, such an aversion can be hidden or explained away, but a strange sense of honesty compels Runyu to confess to a fraction of the ghosts plaguing his realm.
He doesn’t pause to dwell on another point of trust between Xingchen and himself as his guest asks about the process of healing, not about the details themselves but of the cost to himself.
It shakes a whispery chuckle from Runyu’s lips, as an unusual blend of emotions goes through him, pleased at the acknowledgement of any danger to himself as well as inexplicably amused by his friend’s caution or care to the situation, even in his condition.
His tone, however, takes on a firm edge, resolute in his decision.]
The process will take a couple hours, judging from the extent of your injuries and will probably tire me for a short while. ( Probably create a lingering fatigue for a couple days. ) But that is inconsequential. Nothing goes on here, and Kaunglu can attend to any duties I miss. You are injured and it’s shameful for me, as a host and as your friend, to leave you that way when I can relieve it.
( a couple of hours and a bit of fatigue. as loath as xingchen is to allow even that, he supposes he can admit that it's not the steepest of consequences. in fact, it's objectively quite reasonable for how much damage such a thing would heal.
yet still he he deliberates for a long couple of moments, despite the conviction in runyu's delivery. then his chin lifts just slightly in his own bit of stubbornness. ) I accept, provided you'll rest here where I won't have to worry about you. Do we have an agreement? ( because it would be just like runyu to downplay the degree of his fatigue, to whisk himself off as soon as he's finished to deal with such a thing in privacy, and that doesn't sit well with xingchen. )
[ That is exactly what Runyu has planned on. Even if the fatigue wouldn't strike him as soon as other immortals because of decades to his nighttime duties, it would eventually settle over him from such an extensive healing. And usually, he would retreat to a corner of his palace. That habit hasn't changed even with the emptying of the heavenly realm.
Xingchen catching him in his plan brings a short chuckle to his lips and leaves him a little lost on what to say. When his wish to heal his friend hasn't changed with this caveat.
Finally, he settles on a clever compromise. ]
I don't know when the fatigue will come to me, as I have dealt with little rest for quite a long time, but I will probably go to the library after attending to your wounds. If you wish to follow me there, you're free to.
( while 'i've dealt with little rest for quite a long time' isn't nearly as reassuring as runyu seems to think it should be, and while this is clearly an attempt to deflect xingchen's capacity to hover or fuss once the wounds have been attended to, the compromise does seem fair enough in and of itself.
and so xingchen says, ) Alright, ( but after a moment adds, ) So long as I wouldn't be imposing.
[ Pleased at his acceptance, Runyu shakes his head. ]
I wouldn't have offered if you would have. There's enough space there for the both of us, and you can learn more about the realm you've landed in.
[ There would also be a couch where his friend could rest if his energy failed before the night emperor as Runyu has predicted.
He waves a hand to indicate the bed.
Please take a comfortable seat facing away from me. This will take some time given the severity and the varied nature of your wounds. It's fortunate that we both bear a yin core.
( if he truly wouldn't be in the way, then this compromise is more than sufficient. perhaps even better than his initial demand, as this version allows him to make certain that runyu is alright without forcing him to linger here.
and so xingchen does as requested, settling in on the bed with his back to runyu and pulling his legs up cross-legged. both hands lift to gather his hair, sweeping it forward over his unwounded shoulder so that it's out of the way of whatever his friend may need to do. he's warned of the time it might take, all while runyu deftly skirts around the questions the wounds must surely raise within him (which xingchen is mildly relieved for - he would prefer that runyu's first tales of ryslig be kinder than this one). ) I understand, ( he assures, an appreciative smile faintly audible in his words. ) And thank you.
[ Runyu takes his seat with a small hum, an acknowledgement to the gesture of gratitude more than anything else. Crossing his own legs and facing his former friend, he takes a breath and reaches inside himself. The flow of spiritual power is instantaneous, as the emperor, as an immortal, and as someone who’s rarely had a chance to use his power but for the evening duties. There’s no shortage for this exercise. Even if it’s been decades since he’s healed someone, there’s an undercurrent of stern confidence as he moves his wrists and directs the energy towads Xingchen. A cool blanket of power settles over Xingchen’s skin.
Runyu remains in the same position for most of the time, only changing the direction of energy if he comes across a toxin or infection and still without comment, intent on his goal.
Hours pass. The wounds close up, but scars of various shades remain. Runyu drops his hands, stopping the flow of his power into Xingchen’s and taking a few long breaths before rising from the bed. ]
( He flicks his hands behind his back, falling into formality after all the silence. ) Your wounds are healed. Due to some poisons and infection as well as how deep some were, there are scars. But it’s dangerous to continue the session. Some…. (he pauses, )won’t disappear even if I do another session in a few days.
[ He falls silent, eyes narrowing, as he struggles with a wave of discontent at that situation and somehow knowing that it’s not the past he remembers where these emotions are coming from. ]
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no subject
He can no longer call him a guest after this, even if this is a fleeting dream.
[ It is wrong. He should be standing and setting boundaries between himself and his friend. However, the warmth of this embrace is too much for Runyu to resist when he’s denied himself any hint of warmth in his realm after his sins. He will watch his nephew at the river, smiling as he fishes for his wife, but he won’t come closer. He will share a drink with his brother when he asks him, and yet he will not indulge in more than one.
A cycle that no one tries to change.
And yet, he’s weakened recently. He can not resist the call of music when it overcomes it after that first night, and something compels him to paint the dreams that haunt him. Is a fool?
He doesn’t know.
He doesn’t understand anymore. ]
Forgive me. ( Runyu whispers into his arms, hold tightening. ) Forgive me this.
i'll swap back to no-blindfold icons when i stop needing so many emotional ones
( and yet it's true. he wore the mourning white again for nearly a year after runyu left, and only recently has he diverged from it on more than the rare occasion. it hasn't quite felt right to do so. and the house in the woods has been empty more often than full for nearly as long. he still retreated there for the locked room when his hunger grew too fierce, but it wasn't a home anymore. just the ghost of one. )
I get you xD ))
[ Despair and weariness echo in his quaking voice, the years of false dignity and serenity torn down from his shoulders. His reluctance and poise is gone, leaving nothing behind but aching longing and wounds that have never closed. Something always present but never acknowledged even by him. The yearning rings out with each entreaty ripped from the gentle strings of the guqin and vibrates the tears when he plays the dizzi in his study, closed off where no one can hear his cries. The wishes linger behind after a hesitant caress on the Beast of Dream’s neck and resonate after each evening dance in the Star Corridor. It’s a childish part of him that can’t stay away from his brother’s family in the mortal realm — even when each moment standing in their shadow opens new waves of regret and loss. A flicker of the person who accepted all the suffering that hides under the golden facade of the heavenly realm if it would keep the world just a little brighter.
But no one has ever stayed or reached out to him when he can accept it.
No flowers will bloom for him again.
This boy has no defense against the tender acceptance of Xingchen. ]
I’m sorry.
no subject
he draws a slow breath, then lets it out. brings his emotions back under control, at least those which leak out. then, ) My friend, I did not come here to ask anything of you apart from perhaps a place to rest. You've given me that. ( if runyu needs to leave him alone much of the time, so be it.
at least they're beneath the same sky. )
no subject
[ Even if he's aware that he should pull away.
He's revealed more to this friend than he has anyone else. Even the Beast of Dreams hasn't seen him break down like this, and it's been at his side from the beginning since he found it in the star corridor. Even after the loss of his mother, he'd shut himself in his chambers to hide his weakness, and yet here, he's let his fragile emotions out without attempting to temper them into formality. The fear of such a reveal is absent inside him, leaving him both bereft of that cloak of assurance and relieved of the terrible weight that comes with harboring such suspicion. ]
no subject
a beat, and a quiet hum - mild indecision given form. but then he wonders aloud, ) If it truly does change nothing, then why do you honor the vow? ( and of course, he has yet to pull away either. he's already decided he won't be the first to do so. )
no subject
Runyu drops his head further, as if waiting for an instinctual reprimand or condemnation. As if waiting for another word to weigh on his shoulders.
But a sigh shakes him a moment later.
As if knowing that Xingchen won't say it but uncertain of being deserving of such a reprieve. ]
no subject
another quiet hum, this one caught between understanding (empathy, perhaps) and consideration. then, nearly a whisper, each word measured as if to make certain the weight isn't more than runyu can bear, ) You don't have to be. ( nothing, that is. ) I've seen it. ( a pause, and then: ) I can show you, if you'll let me.
no subject
However, it is still an escape. One he doesn’t deserve to search for at this time.
A few moments later, Runyu slowly pulls away from Xingchen’s embrace, speaking in a measured tone that’s careful to temper the pain behind the words. ) I will consider it, dear friend, but I am not ready for such a gift. And neither are you. ( His hand reaches for Xingchen’s wrist and his eyes narrow. ) How long have you been attending to your injuries alone due to my negligence?
no subject
but then his friend draws back, and xingchen of course releases him to it, hands settling on his lap now. he considers shifting back to the bed, but that can wait until runyu is prepared to do so as well. for now the man seems to have something else on his mind - a hand takes hold of his wrist, drawing xingchen's gaze up to narrowed eyes. 'how long have you been attending to your injuries alone due to my negligence?'
his gaze drops again with a sigh-breath through his nose, lips curling in a smile of forfeit which borders on amused. ) Forgive the immodesty, but I can't allow you to take credit for my own feats of wondrous negligence. ( yes, he is going to tease about it. what of it?
either way, he's shaking his head a bit, his other hand moving to rest lightly on the back of runyu's own. ) It's nothing worth mention, certainly nothing which endangers my life. ( and he's been attending to it with the care he would have if a dear friend had been injured instead. he promised someone that he would, and seeing as it's the last promise he found himself able to make them, he plans to see it through with utmost diligence. )
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If it was nothing worth mentioning, it would have already healed here of all places. The fact that it has not means it’s not small. Even if it doesn’t endanger your life, will you still hide it when I ask? I know that I have asked you not to show me this life I've forgotten but that doesn't mean that I wish you to remain silent about yourself.
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but it used to be. runyu had seemed quite unused to being teased in a friendly manner rather than mocked, but he rose to the challenge rather quickly, and for much of the rest of their friendship the two of them were prone to lapse abruptly into some sort of banter. such a thing was quite useful when runyu would fuss without need to, a means by which to deflect the topic to something a bit lighter and less worrisome even if xingchen would often concede and accept some stray bit of fussing regardless.
and every so often, of course, runyu would recognize a moment in which he should stand his ground on the matter, should refuse the attempt at deflection - just as he has done now, both jarring and comforting in its predictability. 'even if it doesn't endanger your life, will you still hide it when i ask?' no, he won't. if course he won't. at the moment, xingchen is uniquely incapable of refusing his friend anything the man might wish, and he doesn't quite foresee that changing all that much in the near future. )
Of course, ( he says, head shaking again but this time to dismiss his prior deflection. ) I meant no offense, and certainly not any sort of mistrust. ( how does he put this? he pauses a moment, considering, and - ) I only thought that I wouldn't be able to explain my wounds, not if you don't wish to know of the realm in which we met. You'd ruminate over it. I know you would.
( the guesswork tale of the origin of xingchen's wounds in runyu's mind would be far more alarming than how he actually got them. he knows how such things go, between them. )
Suffice to say that I earned them in helping to end a war, one which started long before either you or I arrived. You can assess them for yourself, if you'd like. I don't mind. ( he truly doesn't. he'd only thought to make this less complicated for runyu, whose thoughts are already quite the mess thanks to xingchen's arrival. )
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If you know me as well as it seems, my friend, you would know that I rarely escape ‘rumination’ of some kind, and having sensed your injuries, that would have happened without knowing the details. There’s much for me to reflect on, both before your arrival and with it. There is no blame on your shoulders if you have given me another topic to consider.
[ Runyu hesitates there, considering the fact that inquiries about Xingchen’s arrival have given him details far more chaotic and yet far less ominous to contemplate in the long eternity of his life than the actions that have slowly condemned him thus far.
It’s a sobering thought that brings an ache to his chest because there is little he can offer this man for coming to him besides this small regard.
He gathers himself and continues. ]
If it will not bother you, I wish to see them. I will worry nonetheless.
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so this was inevitable, really. and he can't find it in himself to be bothered by that, even knowing how displeased runyu's going to be once the wounds are revealed.
speaking of... ) Alright, ( he agrees - and though runyu has too little experience with him this time to learn that xingchen is largely an open book, his tone at least seems entirely unbothered. in fact, there's a lighter note to it again as he says, ) You'll have to forgive a different sort of immodesty this time. ( because now he's untying the belt to his robes, easing the outer robe back from his shoulders to pool on the bed around him, then doing the same with the thin inner robe. what's left are a pair of trousers and a torso that seems quite a bit more bandage than skin. it's a bit overkill, since some of the wounds are in places he can't entirely reach, but it's also less overkill than one might hope - a fact that comes to light as he untucks and begins to unwind the bandaging as well.
the damage is honestly a bit chaotic to try to make sense of, especially to one who doesn't realize the monstrous nature of the foes he faced. A wide set of clawmarks rakes up over his shoulder and down most of his back, a difficult wound to clean thanks to the distinct set of venomous fang-wounds on the other arm (his sword arm, as fate may have it) and the swelling and discoloration thereof. a couple of other wounds (one on his side, one just barely high enough to catch his ribs rather than his softer, more vulnerable stomach) look like they were inflicted by handheld blades. nearly all of the wounds look prepared to bleed at the slightest provocation, but it's already quite a bit of progress. when he arrived, they'd bleed anytime he took off the bandaging. )
There's one on my calf, as well. ( a fallen lich had grabbed at his ankle, and though they didn't succeed in tripping him, they did succeed in decaying a bit of the flesh. that one's taking a bit longer to heal. it's harder to funnel qi through dead flesh than living flesh, though he's managing well enough. regardless, he doesn't specify - it's far less horrifying for runyu to think that's a blade-wound as well. ) They've healed quite a bit already. I shouldn't need to bandage them for more than another few days. ( especially if he continues to successfully meditate like he was when runyu arrived. )
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However, tonight, they will seem lighter. For a fleeting moment. ]
That will be unnecessary, my friend. Take a seat on the bed and leave the bandages where they are.
[ Before Xingchen can reply, he’s bending down to retrieve the painting that ties them together, brushing a hand over the creases that have formed before slowly rolling it up. ]
whoops pretend the last tag said 'on the floor around him' rather than bed
when runyu closes his eyes with a slow exhale, xingchen finds his hand lifting with the helpless reflex to comfort in some shape or form. it hovers indecisively for a moment, then reaches with every intention of resting it on the nearest of those tense sleeve-covered hands - but just before it makes contact, runyu says 'that will be unnecessary' and the hand retreats back to xingchen's lap before it quite clicks that his friend was referring to the bandaging. 'take a seat on the bed and leave the bandages where they are.' his brow knits faintly, puzzled, even as he lifts up onto his knees so as to tidily gather his robes and fold them over his uninjured arm. leave the bandages, truly? they're not even dirtied yet, he only just changed them.
but he doesn't question it, rising to settle instead on the bed in his trousers and setting his folded robes across his lap. ) You've done more than enough, ( he tries one last time to insist, but it's quiet and without proper force. he knows very well that the protest will end up dismissed or ignored, regardless. he simply had to try. )
Oops xD
I haven't offered you nearly anything here, and as a host and friend, that should be unacceptable, but this is not about that. I, ( he hesitates and then breathes out, )I don't like the sight of blood around me, and some have opened up.
[ Silence filters through the air around them for a few moments before Runyu dips the cloth into the water basin. ]
I also possess the ability to heal you completely, even more so when your spirit is Yin like my own. There is no reason for you to take the time to heal slowly while in my realm.
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his words, too, are unexpected. runyu doesn't like the sight of blood. perhaps it's the bracing way in which he says it, but his friend has never seemed quite so opposed to it before - it was always the notion of someone's injury which bothered him, not the blood itself. or so it had seemed. regardless, xingchen wasn't aware that any of the wounds had begun to bleed anew, so pardon him while he glances down to take stock of the wounds with a knit of his brow. ah - the one on his side does seem to be oozing just a little, and there's a burning sort of chill along his back which suggests that one of the deeper claw-rends has done the same.
but runyu doesn't merely intend to clean and re-bandage the wounds... it seems he intends to heal them altogether. xingchen's gaze lifts back to the man beside him now, his brow still knit but now with concern, and his mouth opens to object but no proper objection comes. instead, after a moment, ) At what cost to you? ( can he simply wave a hand and xingchen is healed, as with the basin? or is it a more in-depth process? in xingchen's own realm, such a thing was terribly exhausting. in ryslig, the only way for most to help another heal was to allow them to feed on you. the cost of healing is often far higher than xingchen is willing to let another pay on his behalf, especially one who only barely remembers him at all. )
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He doesn’t pause to dwell on another point of trust between Xingchen and himself as his guest asks about the process of healing, not about the details themselves but of the cost to himself.
It shakes a whispery chuckle from Runyu’s lips, as an unusual blend of emotions goes through him, pleased at the acknowledgement of any danger to himself as well as inexplicably amused by his friend’s caution or care to the situation, even in his condition.
His tone, however, takes on a firm edge, resolute in his decision.]
The process will take a couple hours, judging from the extent of your injuries and will probably tire me for a short while. ( Probably create a lingering fatigue for a couple days. ) But that is inconsequential. Nothing goes on here, and Kaunglu can attend to any duties I miss. You are injured and it’s shameful for me, as a host and as your friend, to leave you that way when I can relieve it.
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yet still he he deliberates for a long couple of moments, despite the conviction in runyu's delivery. then his chin lifts just slightly in his own bit of stubbornness. ) I accept, provided you'll rest here where I won't have to worry about you. Do we have an agreement? ( because it would be just like runyu to downplay the degree of his fatigue, to whisk himself off as soon as he's finished to deal with such a thing in privacy, and that doesn't sit well with xingchen. )
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Xingchen catching him in his plan brings a short chuckle to his lips and leaves him a little lost on what to say. When his wish to heal his friend hasn't changed with this caveat.
Finally, he settles on a clever compromise. ]
I don't know when the fatigue will come to me, as I have dealt with little rest for quite a long time, but I will probably go to the library after attending to your wounds. If you wish to follow me there, you're free to.
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and so xingchen says, ) Alright, ( but after a moment adds, ) So long as I wouldn't be imposing.
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I wouldn't have offered if you would have. There's enough space there for the both of us, and you can learn more about the realm you've landed in.
[ There would also be a couch where his friend could rest if his energy failed before the night emperor as Runyu has predicted.
He waves a hand to indicate the bed.
Please take a comfortable seat facing away from me. This will take some time given the severity and the varied nature of your wounds. It's fortunate that we both bear a yin core.
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and so xingchen does as requested, settling in on the bed with his back to runyu and pulling his legs up cross-legged. both hands lift to gather his hair, sweeping it forward over his unwounded shoulder so that it's out of the way of whatever his friend may need to do. he's warned of the time it might take, all while runyu deftly skirts around the questions the wounds must surely raise within him (which xingchen is mildly relieved for - he would prefer that runyu's first tales of ryslig be kinder than this one). ) I understand, ( he assures, an appreciative smile faintly audible in his words. ) And thank you.
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Runyu remains in the same position for most of the time, only changing the direction of energy if he comes across a toxin or infection and still without comment, intent on his goal.
Hours pass. The wounds close up, but scars of various shades remain. Runyu drops his hands, stopping the flow of his power into Xingchen’s and taking a few long breaths before rising from the bed. ]
( He flicks his hands behind his back, falling into formality after all the silence. ) Your wounds are healed. Due to some poisons and infection as well as how deep some were, there are scars. But it’s dangerous to continue the session. Some…. (he pauses, )won’t disappear even if I do another session in a few days.
[ He falls silent, eyes narrowing, as he struggles with a wave of discontent at that situation and somehow knowing that it’s not the past he remembers where these emotions are coming from. ]
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