[ Is there something on his mind? Everything and nothing all at once, it feels like. His thoughts are racing as his eyes scan Xingchen's face, darting between his mouth and the rest of his features equally. His fingertips continue to tease along the nape of his neck, too, offering that same feeling back to Xingchen in hopes he understands just how much it affects him.
He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out for a long moment. ]
Tell me my name. [ He offers finally, voice soft since their proximity doesn't require much volume. He waits patiently, although with baited breath, to hear it. ]
( oh, he certainly understands. he understands, and a part of him almost wants it to stop so that the contents of his head feel less like both static and mush - so that whatever it is that his companion says is on his mind (yes, he remembers asking the question, albeit only vaguely) can get the attention and thought it deserves.
but a much larger part of xingchen couldn't ask him to stop even if he wanted to. he's supposed to avoid that which clouds his reason, but this too feels light within him and isn't that truly what matters?
'tell me my name.' it comes after moments or minutes or some measurement in between, and oh, but that's easy. )Minhuo, ( more breathed than spoken. )
[ He knows the power of that touch, having melted at it not too long ago. That touch that sparked all of this, that touch that had Xue Yang's hands grabbing at his companion greedily, showing just a ghost of his true nature.
His eyes are wide with anticipation as he waits. It was a simple request, even a man taken by touch could have understood. Certainly a man of Xingchen's discipline can handle it.
Just hearing the name Xingchen had so carefully given him has a spark catching, lighting him up. He's never heard it spoken quite like that before and that simple word beckons him closer, has his fingertips closing a bit more tightly around the back of Xingchen's neck so he can close the short distance between them. He couldn't stop if he wanted to. His fingers cage him in while he presses his mouth against Xingchen's own, a touch of their lips. His eyes are open so he can carefully survey the reaction he's allowed, searching for any minute shift of his expression, a clue that perhaps he's done the wrong thing. ]
( clever fire indeed, so terribly clever was this wicked trick to turn his mind to static and mush and leave him defenseless to whatever might come. defenseless to it and perhaps anticipating it in some part of his mind, the natural next step. and there it is, a brush of lips against his, in such sharp contrast with the intensity of the grip on the back of his neck that it feels incomplete.
and so xingchen completes it, lifting his chin just enough to press into the kiss rather than simply lie here and receive it. lie here and leave minhuo to wonder if he's done something horrible. xingchen won't allow it.
when they finally part, it's almost certainly because he can no longer fight back his grin. that very grin spreads on his lips the moment they're no longer pressed to minhuo's, and he can't temper it in the slightest. his thoughts are neither static nor mush at this point, considering all too many things at once - this new reality in which they kiss, the fact that it was his first of the sort, a brief consideration of his principles before deciding this is still just fine. he considers (in awe, in wonder) how something so simple as a name could have done this.
a name. he's stupid and foolish and so many things but he doesn't care about any of them in the slightest as he murmurs, ) Would you like to know a secret? ( if minhuo hasn't pulled back any, their lips still brush just barely with each word that xingchen offers. )
[ The daozhang's participation in the kiss seals the deal for him. He presses into it, the touch of Xingchen's own lips feels like permission to continue, so he allows his eyes to close since the fear of offending him has faded. If he's done the wrong thing, that's a problem for later.
He lingers into the press of their lips until he feels the tugging of his companion's own in a smile, what a treat to be allowed to experience. When he opens his eyes again he's treated to the visual of it that catches him, giving him pause, and makes him stay as close as possible. That hand is still seated at the back of his neck, not allowing him to get too far away so when he does speak, indeed, their lips continue to touch with each syllable. It's difficult to ignore and he offers small kisses with each brush, little greetings of his own to this new territory that he's been allowed to explore. ]
Yes. [ Now, it's his turn for his words to physically brush against Xingchen's mouth in their closeness. Of course he wants to know his secrets. Before, he'd wanted to know Xingchen's deepest, darkest secrets to use against him but now he desires to know them for safe keeping. ]
( and it's terribly distracting, to try to form words with your lips while someone insists on peppering them with kisses, but xingchen can't find it in him to muster up even a shred of objection to it. he's half tempted to abandon the words altogether, but then they're out and his partner says yes, that he wants to know - so he shifts to rest their foreheads together instead, giving his lips room to speak unhindered. )
You aren't allowed to laugh, ( is how he prefaces this, though he himself sounds almost amused by it. he doesn't wait for an agreement, continuing on after a moment to say, ) I haven't just named you 'Minhuo'.
( but this needs a bit of context, so he loops back to explain, ) There was a time, quite a few years ago, in which some called me the bright moon and gentle breeze. A title given in thanks, since I had none of my own. ( rarely do either of them speak of their pasts, so even after this long, this is something xingchen hadn't yet shared with his companion. ) When I told you I've named you 'Minhuo', it was only a part of it. I'd decided that you were both Minhuo and Zhongyu - the clever fire and steadfast rain. ( it's so senseless, in retrospect - it's not as if xiao xingchen has two different names to accompany his title - but at the time, some part of him had felt the (selfish, silly) urge to make them match. )
[ insert clip of that family guy episode where everyone pukes on each other ]
[ Since it feels like he's been given permission now, it's difficult for him to stop. Xue Yang has never had anyone tell him no (or yes, for that matter) and was so used to just taking the things he wanted that he can't help it when he wants to continue to feel Xingchen's lips on his own even when he very obviously has something he wants to say.
And Xue Yang is interested. Minhuo is certainly interested.
He listens intently to the explanation of how he's come to this name for him and it melts those cold, dark places of his heart and replaces them with a soft flutter of affection. It feels good and makes him want to hear more, maybe even kiss him some more. He can see the subtle shifts of expression on Xingchen's face even without his eyes; The tug of his lips in a shy smile, the way he tries to 'look' away as though he's bashful. Xue Yang pulls away from him just enough to be able to see his entire face as he speaks.
How could he ever laugh at that? The only laughing he feels the need to do is at himself for feeling so floored by all of this. He's thankful they're lying down already because the rush of emotion at the confession would have floored him for sure. He's smiling widely in lieu of a laugh, finding a growing fondness for Xingchen's hard work in thinking about him and what name might suit him. ]
I like it. [ Words confessed quietly, every turn of his tongue deliberate. ] You've thought hard about it and it suits me well. [ His lips tug into a sharper smile, tilting his head a bit in interest. ]
( his next breath is one of relief, perhaps even a bit of amused self-chiding (why had he been so worried? he shouldn't have been), and a smile lingers at the corners of his lips just as it has for much of the last few minutes. )
I'm glad, ( he says, quiet and fond - those may very well be the words he said the first time his companion approved of his choice in names as well - and finally his hand draws out of minhuo's hair, instead finding the edge of his jaw so he has something to navigate by as he leans in just enough to steal a quiet feather-light kiss. he sorely hopes that he's understood how this works, and that doing so isn't out of bounds in some way his lack of firsthand experience leaves him ignorant to. )
[ He enjoys being someone different. It's nice to be Minhuo instead of Xue Yang, and especially so considering how fond Xingchen has become of him. If he were to find out his true identity...well, then everything in this illusion of a life they've built would shatter and along with it, so would his psyche. It wouldn't be pretty.
Leaning into that touch, Xue Yang keeps very still for him while also seeking out more of it. He likes being touched, doesn't even mind it now when Xingchen traces his features. And then that kiss, of course. He closes his eyes as his companion comes closer and meets the press of his lips with his own, affectionate. There's a desire for more but he resists it, allowing his eyes to open when they part.
What is this thing they've built together? All this fondness they've cultivated for each other? What does it mean? If Xingchen still had his sight, he would be able to see those questions etched right into Xue Yang's expression. Thankfully, he can hide it.
Xue Yang reaches for one of the daozhang's hands so he can lace their fingers together, an excuse to touch, to be closer. The other brushes a bit of stray hair from his face, admiring him for these quiet moments. ]
( and they warm xingchen profoundly, these small and tender things. the way minhuo leans into any given touch he has to offer, like a plant curving toward the sun. the way he presses in the moment their lips meet, but never enough to risk pushing xingchen farther than he's shown that he wants to go. the gentlest touch with which the man brushes hair back from xingchen's face. within the daozhang grows a feeling he's not entirely certain he's ever truly felt.
he can't imagine the thought of having come upon this feeling before he was sure that his minhuo would stay.
their fingers are laced together now, and xingchen brings both hands up so he can press a quiet kiss along the knuckles, a silent 'i like this, too'. there are so many little things that he finds that he likes, small touches and gestures that he never would have taken the time to consider until he found himself here in the midst of them. )
Would you still like to sleep? ( he murmurs, the hand on his partner's jaw dropping now to rest lightly against the man's bare chest just below a collarbone. the corners of his lips curl just for a moment as he adds, ) I can read to you, if it might help.
[ He's watching intently as his hands are brought closer and kissed gratefully, something that causes his cheeks to flush once again. After all of the terrible things he's seen and done, he's still blushing at a simple gesture like that.
He does feel like sleep, somehow. The cold had drawn out so much if his energy compounded by the anxiety of what if in those moments before their lips met for the first time had him feeling groggy. He couldn't say no even if he wanted to. ]
Yeah, it might help. [ He was certain that he could fall asleep without being read to but there was something soft in the offer that he didn't want to decline. Plus, he remembered reading to Xingchen before and he still holds that memory dear. He's happy to create another. ]
( the answer earns a quiet pleased hum, and he draws back just enough to - oh, to let chill into their blanket haven, to which xingchen presses his lips to a disapproving line and moves a bit more quickly in his one-handed search of the beside table to find the book in question. then he retreats back under the blankets, book and all.
in that pocket of warmth he tucks the arm around minhuo's middle, setting the book on the empty patch of bed behind him. one might faintly be able to hear the faint shuffling of pages as he locates the page marker that the other man left, light fingers running along the first line of the page and feeling with mild relief that the lettering is, indeed, textured enough to follow along by touch. )
'Do you not realize,' the Diviner asked, 'That true divination is no longer as such the moment it touches the common world?'
( and so he begins to read quietly into the space between his face and minhuo's. the words come slowly at first, carefully, as xingchen identifies each syllable under his fingertip and moves to the next - but mercifully, he's had just enough practice in the past that the process isn't painfully slow. )
'What do you mean?' asked the Second Young Master. 'Are not you yourself a diviner?'
And the diviner said, 'I once thought that I was. I know now that the things which I divine come to pass because I have divined them. In foreseeing these things, I have forewritten them. Do you understand now?'
( as he continues to read, his voice gets steadier, the words coming more easily. the slight focused knit between his brows relaxes away, and his thumb slides affectionately along the back of his partner's. )
[ He frowns to himself when Xingchen has to leave to get the book, but he does his best to trap the warmth in around them, only granting access when Xingchen returns to him. He settles in easily, entirely relaxed into the mattress with the daozhang close to him. He's right there, close enough that he can feel the ghost of each word as he speaks them, not minding his slow pace. He's impressed enough that the man can read from touch alone and also taken aback by how foreign it is to him to be read to. Not bad, of course. He's quite enjoying himself even if he isn't paying much mind to the actual progression of the story.
As much as he desires to stay away and watch the confidence grow on Xingchen's face, the warmth their bodies share and the steady, even twinkle of Xingchen's voice lulls his eyes to close. He's still awake for the most part, hearing every word but not exactly comprehending them as much. If Xingchen were to stop reading, however, he might lift his head and ask him to continue. ]
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no subject
He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out for a long moment. ]
Tell me my name. [ He offers finally, voice soft since their proximity doesn't require much volume. He waits patiently, although with baited breath, to hear it. ]
no subject
but a much larger part of xingchen couldn't ask him to stop even if he wanted to. he's supposed to avoid that which clouds his reason, but this too feels light within him and isn't that truly what matters?
'tell me my name.' it comes after moments or minutes or some measurement in between, and oh, but that's easy. ) Minhuo, ( more breathed than spoken. )
no subject
His eyes are wide with anticipation as he waits. It was a simple request, even a man taken by touch could have understood. Certainly a man of Xingchen's discipline can handle it.
Just hearing the name Xingchen had so carefully given him has a spark catching, lighting him up. He's never heard it spoken quite like that before and that simple word beckons him closer, has his fingertips closing a bit more tightly around the back of Xingchen's neck so he can close the short distance between them. He couldn't stop if he wanted to. His fingers cage him in while he presses his mouth against Xingchen's own, a touch of their lips. His eyes are open so he can carefully survey the reaction he's allowed, searching for any minute shift of his expression, a clue that perhaps he's done the wrong thing. ]
no subject
and so xingchen completes it, lifting his chin just enough to press into the kiss rather than simply lie here and receive it. lie here and leave minhuo to wonder if he's done something horrible. xingchen won't allow it.
when they finally part, it's almost certainly because he can no longer fight back his grin. that very grin spreads on his lips the moment they're no longer pressed to minhuo's, and he can't temper it in the slightest. his thoughts are neither static nor mush at this point, considering all too many things at once - this new reality in which they kiss, the fact that it was his first of the sort, a brief consideration of his principles before deciding this is still just fine. he considers (in awe, in wonder) how something so simple as a name could have done this.
a name. he's stupid and foolish and so many things but he doesn't care about any of them in the slightest as he murmurs, ) Would you like to know a secret? ( if minhuo hasn't pulled back any, their lips still brush just barely with each word that xingchen offers. )
🤮
He lingers into the press of their lips until he feels the tugging of his companion's own in a smile, what a treat to be allowed to experience. When he opens his eyes again he's treated to the visual of it that catches him, giving him pause, and makes him stay as close as possible. That hand is still seated at the back of his neck, not allowing him to get too far away so when he does speak, indeed, their lips continue to touch with each syllable. It's difficult to ignore and he offers small kisses with each brush, little greetings of his own to this new territory that he's been allowed to explore. ]
Yes. [ Now, it's his turn for his words to physically brush against Xingchen's mouth in their closeness. Of course he wants to know his secrets. Before, he'd wanted to know Xingchen's deepest, darkest secrets to use against him but now he desires to know them for safe keeping. ]
🤮🤮🤮
You aren't allowed to laugh, ( is how he prefaces this, though he himself sounds almost amused by it. he doesn't wait for an agreement, continuing on after a moment to say, ) I haven't just named you 'Minhuo'.
( but this needs a bit of context, so he loops back to explain, ) There was a time, quite a few years ago, in which some called me the bright moon and gentle breeze. A title given in thanks, since I had none of my own. ( rarely do either of them speak of their pasts, so even after this long, this is something xingchen hadn't yet shared with his companion. ) When I told you I've named you 'Minhuo', it was only a part of it. I'd decided that you were both Minhuo and Zhongyu - the clever fire and steadfast rain. ( it's so senseless, in retrospect - it's not as if xiao xingchen has two different names to accompany his title - but at the time, some part of him had felt the (selfish, silly) urge to make them match. )
[ insert clip of that family guy episode where everyone pukes on each other ]
And Xue Yang is interested. Minhuo is certainly interested.
He listens intently to the explanation of how he's come to this name for him and it melts those cold, dark places of his heart and replaces them with a soft flutter of affection. It feels good and makes him want to hear more, maybe even kiss him some more. He can see the subtle shifts of expression on Xingchen's face even without his eyes; The tug of his lips in a shy smile, the way he tries to 'look' away as though he's bashful. Xue Yang pulls away from him just enough to be able to see his entire face as he speaks.
How could he ever laugh at that? The only laughing he feels the need to do is at himself for feeling so floored by all of this. He's thankful they're lying down already because the rush of emotion at the confession would have floored him for sure. He's smiling widely in lieu of a laugh, finding a growing fondness for Xingchen's hard work in thinking about him and what name might suit him. ]
I like it. [ Words confessed quietly, every turn of his tongue deliberate. ] You've thought hard about it and it suits me well. [ His lips tug into a sharper smile, tilting his head a bit in interest. ]
[ deletes that clip from the face of the earth ]
I'm glad, ( he says, quiet and fond - those may very well be the words he said the first time his companion approved of his choice in names as well - and finally his hand draws out of minhuo's hair, instead finding the edge of his jaw so he has something to navigate by as he leans in just enough to steal a quiet feather-light kiss. he sorely hopes that he's understood how this works, and that doing so isn't out of bounds in some way his lack of firsthand experience leaves him ignorant to. )
no subject
Leaning into that touch, Xue Yang keeps very still for him while also seeking out more of it. He likes being touched, doesn't even mind it now when Xingchen traces his features. And then that kiss, of course. He closes his eyes as his companion comes closer and meets the press of his lips with his own, affectionate. There's a desire for more but he resists it, allowing his eyes to open when they part.
What is this thing they've built together? All this fondness they've cultivated for each other? What does it mean? If Xingchen still had his sight, he would be able to see those questions etched right into Xue Yang's expression. Thankfully, he can hide it.
Xue Yang reaches for one of the daozhang's hands so he can lace their fingers together, an excuse to touch, to be closer. The other brushes a bit of stray hair from his face, admiring him for these quiet moments. ]
no subject
he can't imagine the thought of having come upon this feeling before he was sure that his minhuo would stay.
their fingers are laced together now, and xingchen brings both hands up so he can press a quiet kiss along the knuckles, a silent 'i like this, too'. there are so many little things that he finds that he likes, small touches and gestures that he never would have taken the time to consider until he found himself here in the midst of them. )
Would you still like to sleep? ( he murmurs, the hand on his partner's jaw dropping now to rest lightly against the man's bare chest just below a collarbone. the corners of his lips curl just for a moment as he adds, ) I can read to you, if it might help.
no subject
He does feel like sleep, somehow. The cold had drawn out so much if his energy compounded by the anxiety of what if in those moments before their lips met for the first time had him feeling groggy. He couldn't say no even if he wanted to. ]
Yeah, it might help. [ He was certain that he could fall asleep without being read to but there was something soft in the offer that he didn't want to decline. Plus, he remembered reading to Xingchen before and he still holds that memory dear. He's happy to create another. ]
no subject
in that pocket of warmth he tucks the arm around minhuo's middle, setting the book on the empty patch of bed behind him. one might faintly be able to hear the faint shuffling of pages as he locates the page marker that the other man left, light fingers running along the first line of the page and feeling with mild relief that the lettering is, indeed, textured enough to follow along by touch. )
'Do you not realize,' the Diviner asked, 'That true divination is no longer as such the moment it touches the common world?'
( and so he begins to read quietly into the space between his face and minhuo's. the words come slowly at first, carefully, as xingchen identifies each syllable under his fingertip and moves to the next - but mercifully, he's had just enough practice in the past that the process isn't painfully slow. )
'What do you mean?' asked the Second Young Master. 'Are not you yourself a diviner?'
And the diviner said, 'I once thought that I was. I know now that the things which I divine come to pass because I have divined them. In foreseeing these things, I have forewritten them. Do you understand now?'
( as he continues to read, his voice gets steadier, the words coming more easily. the slight focused knit between his brows relaxes away, and his thumb slides affectionately along the back of his partner's. )
no subject
As much as he desires to stay away and watch the confidence grow on Xingchen's face, the warmth their bodies share and the steady, even twinkle of Xingchen's voice lulls his eyes to close. He's still awake for the most part, hearing every word but not exactly comprehending them as much. If Xingchen were to stop reading, however, he might lift his head and ask him to continue. ]