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ic ⌥ shepard [lead-up to tunnels]
Three months, five days, six hours, and twenty-seven minutes. That's how long it's been since the moment she arrived until now, broken down into 24-hour days. Normal days, from back before this endless night. It's funny, it's always night, in space, but never quite like this. In space, the nights don't haunt you. Before this island, Shepard didn't even think that was possible. After everything she'd done, everything she'd seen... She'd cheated death itself, what was there left to haunt her?
Our lovely friends at Kernos had the answer to that.
It was the little things, at first. Bringing in Saren, but one who remembered Shepard as a hero, a woman who spoke with such conviction that he saw the error in his own ways, not the coward who shot him in the head. Then the painting from Sylar, whoever the hell that was--a man she'd never met who painted her future. A future in which she was being held, incarcerated for the deaths of 300,000. She could never quite bring herself to burn that painting. It was like keeping it, remembering it would give her a way to prevent it. Like she planned to prevent what happened to Garrus. Somehow.
But then, it started getting bigger. Worse. More difficult to ignore, to handle. It had most definitely been a surprise when one Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko appeared in the mirror of the women's room one day. It was a fake, obviously. He was dead. But then, so had Garrus been, before he showed up here... It took all of three conversations for the topic of conversation to turn to Virmire. To how he'd died. To how she'd killed him. That was the last time she entered the women's room--she's been hijacking the men's ever since.
And then came Ortega. Unfamiliar name? Most names from Akuze probably are. And on the screen of her phone whenever it wasn't lit, he was a little harder to avoid than Kaidan had been. She was on the network a little more those first few days, finding some excuse, someone to talk to or help or bitch at, but she'd always run out of things to do, and he was always there waiting. Sheva was there a lot of the time, or Wesley, so she couldn't respond, but that didn't mean she couldn't listen. And he may not have been a chatterbox, but he had plenty to say, both the good and the bad.
Shepard tried to tell him he wasn't real once, lying on her side on her bunk one night in the empty dorm. Tried to tell him he wasn't quite the same, that she'd known Ortega long enough to know the real one when she saw him. He just chuckled an almost bitter sort of chuckle, and he said to her, 'Six years dead kinda changes a guy.' She swallowed hard and readily accepted a change of subject. But it wasn't dropped for long. The squad had been together for three years, but somehow the topic kept creeping back to Akuze. He made a casual comment one evening after a particularly military-esque exchange with Sheva before bed, something about how after all this time, she still keeps everyone at the other end of a ten-foot pole. 'Shit, you might as well've been my sister,' he told her. Said the whole squad had felt that way. like family. 'Except you.' A contemplative pause. 'You and your walls.' With Sheva falling asleep across the room, she couldn't reply. She wasn't sure what she would've said either way.
But when it came down to it, it had been so long since she'd seen him or any of them that she took his occasional shit if it meant she could keep in touch. The island had given her another shot with her Garrus, and now it was giving her some form of one with the best friend before him. But as the days passed, the conversations turned more and more to what happened on Akuze. And his rendition of it was just a little bit different. Another of the men had been shot down but wasn't dead; the others refused to leave him. The way Ortega told it (though according to him, who could blame her, in a situation like that?), when the others ignored the order to retreat, she turned tail and ran for the shuttle on her own. Left the whole lot of them to die. And that wasn't how she remembered it at all, not one damn bit, but who's to say she was right and he wasn't? It was utter chaos, nothing made sense...
It wasn't terribly long after that when the object careened from the sky into the forest. By then, she knew the people around her were talking--Sheva most definitely, Shepard was almost positive her roommate had talked to Garrus about it, about Shepard, reminding her of why commanders usually have private quarters. She had to remember to act normal, talk normal, eat normal, breathe normal, or suddenly they decide she's not eating enough or sleeping enough or acting enough like herself. So when the object fell from the sky, she did what she'd done when the undead invaded: She took charge. Pulled a squad together, a group three or four times the necessary size, and hauled their asses out into the forest with some sort of official-sounding orders. She was Commander Shepard, and maybe that was enough to get them the hell off her back.
To this day, she doesn't have a single goddamn clue what even happened, but what started as a routine mission became a bloodbath with all signs pointing to her. To this day, she doesn't know if she blacked out and killed them all or if the island was fucking with her head some more. But one thing's for sure: She lied to Garrus, that morning, when she said she didn't recognize them. She recognized each and every one of them... From Akuze. That part was Kernos, she knew. There was no way for the squad to have actually shown up, to ave been right there in that exact moment in time, just for her to... to what? To snap and slaughter them all? The more she tries to wrap her head around it, the more confusing it gets. The more her headache gets worse--she's got one just about constantly now.
Then came-... What was it, even? Someone, some as-of-yet unknown person crawling into her head, showing her the Prothean visions straight into Mindoir like she was there, like she was living it again, and oh god did she not need that right then. She was about ready to claw them out of her head, before that damn telepath showed up, and it was a tribute to how badly she needed them gone that she let him in her head to do it.
And then, that motherfucking clown. This was something she'd have been able to handle with some degree of stability at any other time, but at this point, she was strung so tight that she just... snapped. Hunted him down with a vengeance like the island's never seen. Once again, that goddamn telepath interfered, stopped her before she could give the fucker what he deserved. At that point, she was just... done. For the day, theoretically, but she'd just plain run out of rage and frustration (which in retrospect was probably Charles's doing also). So she left, without another goddamn word.
Our lovely friends at Kernos had the answer to that.
It was the little things, at first. Bringing in Saren, but one who remembered Shepard as a hero, a woman who spoke with such conviction that he saw the error in his own ways, not the coward who shot him in the head. Then the painting from Sylar, whoever the hell that was--a man she'd never met who painted her future. A future in which she was being held, incarcerated for the deaths of 300,000. She could never quite bring herself to burn that painting. It was like keeping it, remembering it would give her a way to prevent it. Like she planned to prevent what happened to Garrus. Somehow.
But then, it started getting bigger. Worse. More difficult to ignore, to handle. It had most definitely been a surprise when one Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko appeared in the mirror of the women's room one day. It was a fake, obviously. He was dead. But then, so had Garrus been, before he showed up here... It took all of three conversations for the topic of conversation to turn to Virmire. To how he'd died. To how she'd killed him. That was the last time she entered the women's room--she's been hijacking the men's ever since.
And then came Ortega. Unfamiliar name? Most names from Akuze probably are. And on the screen of her phone whenever it wasn't lit, he was a little harder to avoid than Kaidan had been. She was on the network a little more those first few days, finding some excuse, someone to talk to or help or bitch at, but she'd always run out of things to do, and he was always there waiting. Sheva was there a lot of the time, or Wesley, so she couldn't respond, but that didn't mean she couldn't listen. And he may not have been a chatterbox, but he had plenty to say, both the good and the bad.
Shepard tried to tell him he wasn't real once, lying on her side on her bunk one night in the empty dorm. Tried to tell him he wasn't quite the same, that she'd known Ortega long enough to know the real one when she saw him. He just chuckled an almost bitter sort of chuckle, and he said to her, 'Six years dead kinda changes a guy.' She swallowed hard and readily accepted a change of subject. But it wasn't dropped for long. The squad had been together for three years, but somehow the topic kept creeping back to Akuze. He made a casual comment one evening after a particularly military-esque exchange with Sheva before bed, something about how after all this time, she still keeps everyone at the other end of a ten-foot pole. 'Shit, you might as well've been my sister,' he told her. Said the whole squad had felt that way. like family. 'Except you.' A contemplative pause. 'You and your walls.' With Sheva falling asleep across the room, she couldn't reply. She wasn't sure what she would've said either way.
But when it came down to it, it had been so long since she'd seen him or any of them that she took his occasional shit if it meant she could keep in touch. The island had given her another shot with her Garrus, and now it was giving her some form of one with the best friend before him. But as the days passed, the conversations turned more and more to what happened on Akuze. And his rendition of it was just a little bit different. Another of the men had been shot down but wasn't dead; the others refused to leave him. The way Ortega told it (though according to him, who could blame her, in a situation like that?), when the others ignored the order to retreat, she turned tail and ran for the shuttle on her own. Left the whole lot of them to die. And that wasn't how she remembered it at all, not one damn bit, but who's to say she was right and he wasn't? It was utter chaos, nothing made sense...
It wasn't terribly long after that when the object careened from the sky into the forest. By then, she knew the people around her were talking--Sheva most definitely, Shepard was almost positive her roommate had talked to Garrus about it, about Shepard, reminding her of why commanders usually have private quarters. She had to remember to act normal, talk normal, eat normal, breathe normal, or suddenly they decide she's not eating enough or sleeping enough or acting enough like herself. So when the object fell from the sky, she did what she'd done when the undead invaded: She took charge. Pulled a squad together, a group three or four times the necessary size, and hauled their asses out into the forest with some sort of official-sounding orders. She was Commander Shepard, and maybe that was enough to get them the hell off her back.
To this day, she doesn't have a single goddamn clue what even happened, but what started as a routine mission became a bloodbath with all signs pointing to her. To this day, she doesn't know if she blacked out and killed them all or if the island was fucking with her head some more. But one thing's for sure: She lied to Garrus, that morning, when she said she didn't recognize them. She recognized each and every one of them... From Akuze. That part was Kernos, she knew. There was no way for the squad to have actually shown up, to ave been right there in that exact moment in time, just for her to... to what? To snap and slaughter them all? The more she tries to wrap her head around it, the more confusing it gets. The more her headache gets worse--she's got one just about constantly now.
Then came-... What was it, even? Someone, some as-of-yet unknown person crawling into her head, showing her the Prothean visions straight into Mindoir like she was there, like she was living it again, and oh god did she not need that right then. She was about ready to claw them out of her head, before that damn telepath showed up, and it was a tribute to how badly she needed them gone that she let him in her head to do it.
And then, that motherfucking clown. This was something she'd have been able to handle with some degree of stability at any other time, but at this point, she was strung so tight that she just... snapped. Hunted him down with a vengeance like the island's never seen. Once again, that goddamn telepath interfered, stopped her before she could give the fucker what he deserved. At that point, she was just... done. For the day, theoretically, but she'd just plain run out of rage and frustration (which in retrospect was probably Charles's doing also). So she left, without another goddamn word.